I’m going back now through my private journal entries over the past few months, because I have these great friends who comment in helpful ways on these fairy experiences. More so than I thought, actually. I mean, I knew I had wonderful brilliant friends (looking at you, Wren, Maebius and Anne), but for some reason I just assume that no one will really get me when I talk about fairies and write me off as a nutcase. In a fond and loving way, for those that know and like me, and in the normal less-fond way for those that don’t know me. I don’t much like having my personal spiritual experiences pathologized, so I just don’t talk about the weirder stuff that I assume won’t be understood. Here’s an account of the weirdest thing that has happened to me all year, written a few days after it happened, which was right around the full moon in March. I met Otter for the first time at my March full moon ceremony, which was the first one I did in my newly-fenced back yard. I did a ceremony to ward and protect the space and called upon the spirits to watch over it, asked if any of them wanted to work with me on that, and he appeared. We had a good chat and he agreed to protect the space. I finished up my ceremony and grounded out and went to bed and felt just fine about it. When I woke up the next morning, I could see fairies.
Now, that’s not too remarkable for me, since I generally do that anyway. It’s more like, I couldn’t NOT see fairies, which was far more unusual. They were everywhere, they knew I could see them, and they thought it was just knee-slappingly hilarious. Generally I take visionary experiences completely in stride, because I’m so accustomed to them. So here’s my journal entry from the day after that:
“I had a weird thing happen after my meeting with Otter. The next day, I saw fairies EVERYWHERE. I do mean everywhere. They were all over the place, and it continued all day long. I’ve never had anything like that happen before. Any time I would focus my attention on any particular thing – a lamp post, a doorknob, a car going by, whatever – I would notice an associated fairy. They were even in my office building. The fairy in my cubicle bitched at me for having it be kind of messy, so I cleaned it up and got some filing done.
I wondered if I had slipped a cog or something, spiritually or psychologically, but at no point did it seem like a bad thing nor did it interfere with my regular daily activities. It was more amusing than anything, not frightening at all. I got a little anxious, wondering if I was going insane but wondering if it was going to be a permanent thing. It wasn’t – by the next day they were gone, and I couldn’t see them even if I tried.
I’m now reminded of why I stopped trying to work with them on this kind of level before – they scared the crap out of me. As soon as they stopped being imaginary or symbolic or mythical or any of those kinds of words we use to hold things at arm’s length from reality, they got scary to me and I retreated from that sort of work.
There’s something earth-shakingly powerful about this kind of work, and I’m trying to think of words to describe it. For some reason I’m not afraid of it anymore. I’m more grounded than I was back then, I think – more stable, more self-sufficient, more sure of who I am. I think it would be very easy to let Faery experiences become psychologically unhinging, and I think that was what motivated the fear before. I have a lot more confidence in my ability to successfully relate to reality these days. I feel like I’ve lived in two worlds all my life, but where that used to worry me and make my life feel too complicated, it now just feels like me, and it’s OK.
I do all kinds of Otherworld work all the time. I like it. I’ve gotten pretty good at telling the difference between the levels of the Otherworld – there’s a very superficial level where it’s basically the work of an overactive imagination, a deeper level where you tap into something real and complex and meaningful but that is still the product of the imagination, still basically self-generated, and then further below that is the real deal, where you can meet the Gods and the guides and such and have really profound experiences.
Then there’s Faery. Faery is an otherworld, but it’s this world at the same time, and the Fae are of both realms. I found Otter by relating intensely to the patch of ground where I was sitting, and that intensity was strong enough to carry over to the next day and continue to relate to the world in that way without trying.
I wrote this last month [that would be February now] for the SOA Fairie list – it was basically just a stream-of-consciousness response to a prompt.
“Fairies seem like in-between beings to me. Gods and guides and spirits have one sort of existence, outside of the physical world, real but in a completely different way than the material world is real. Humans and plants and animals have another kind of existence, existing fully in the material world. We can interact on the spiritual plane, and sometimes this can seem very physical, but essentially they are not material beings like we are.
Fairies are kind of both and kind of neither. They have a real, physical existence but it’s not the same as ours – they kind of have feet in both worlds. Or maybe they are something completely different but can appear to have either kind of reality. They can travel between worlds, but their world, Faerie, is not the same as ours. I hope I’m making sense, this is not easy to express. That’s another thing I’ve noticed about fairies – they hard to pin down, even with words.
They are part of nature. They exist wherever things grow. They like shady groves and mushrooms and still, quiet places. They appreciate gifts and resent any attempts at coercion. They can be wonderful friends, but they have their own ways of behaving, their own ideas of right and wrong and what good manners are, and these aren’t always the same as what humans think they are. They get underestimated because they like beauty and sparkles and flowers, and sometimes people think that makes them childlike, but they are actually very old and wise. Sometimes. They never give something for nothing, and you have to watch out for fairy gifts because they always want something in return, so you should know what that is. They can lead the unwary astray. “
I have to amend this because since I wrote it I have seen so many urban fairies who don’t care a bit about shady groves or mushrooms or still quiet places. As the land changes and is changed, so they change as well. Some of them like it this way.”